I might be rethinking my decision.

I don't know if I'm rethinking my decision to quit school, or to give up the websites, though. I do know that one of them needs to go; I just need to decide which one.

Watching Dr. Wayne Dyer on PBS isn't helping me much with this decision...all he's making me want to do is quit my job and do everything I feel compelled to do.


My wife came home last night to a quiet house. I had gotten our two younger kids to bed, and she had just gotten back from taking our oldest son (mine, from a previous life) to meet with his other family for weekend visitation. I was sitting down, typing up my blog entry for last night. While she was away, I had made the decision to stop MacJukebox. Earlier in the day, I had started the process of withdrawing from school.

She seemed genuinely stunned and upset to hear the news. I had been wrestling with the decisions for a week or more, so I was somewhat at peace with the whole thing. (That's a lie, actually...it bugged the hell out of me, but I had resigned to the fact that this was simply what I needed to do in the best interest of my family.) My wife began to weep for me. Despite the fact that my school and this website project have been diverting my attention from my family (and from one another), despite the fact that all the stress created from these things have made me a monster to deal with, despite the fact that I foolishly took on way too much for one man to handle in his particular circumstances...my wife wept for me. She wept for the loss of my dreams; she wept for the unrealized potential; she wept for what she saw to be my sacrifice.

She is a beautiful, beautiful person. I'm so very blessed.