10 Things I Hate About Apple

Even though I work Mac support and I'm generally an Apple fanboy, one of the reasons I think it's nice not actually working for Apple is that I get to criticize the company from a customer's standpoint. It's not often that I find myself doing so, but I'm starting to build up a small list of annoyances that have piqued my ire of late, so I thought it might be healthy, in the interest of balance, to bitch about my favorite computer company for a change. Here goes:

10. .Mac
Yes, I've been a subscriber from day one, and yes, I just renewed for my fourth year...this time, I even went for the .Mac "Family Pack," where I get to spend $180 for a modest set of web services. Sure, Apple upped the storage space and bandwidth, and yes, it's nice to get the freebies they throw our way every now and again (although, it seems a lot less frequent these days), but still...it would be nice to have some sort of discount or incentive for renewing, seeing as how we're repeat customers of a service that really hasn't lived up to the Apple standards of usefulness.

9. The iPod
Yes, I know...BLASPHEMY! The truth is, I have yet to purchase one. Yes, they're cool, but I haven't been able to justify dropping $250+ on a music player. From the time the iPod was first introduced, I thought it was cool that it could double as a bootable FireWire drive, and I was intrigued at the possibility of it evolving into a portable media device (with one possible function being on-the-fly conversion to DV from a FireWire video source). I promised myself I'd hold off until that actually happened, but I'm still waiting. The recent generations have been getting close, with color screens and higher storage capacities than ever...let's see what happens tomorrow.

8. Repair Procedures
I work the Mac Help Desk, so I see a fair amount of Mac hardware. Sometimes, things aren't how they're supposed to be, and I'll occasionally have to send a computer in for warranty service, or simply order replacement parts. The other day, I needed to order a replacement optical drive for a brand new G5 tower, and I couldn't get the part sent to me without first giving a credit card number. Now, as I said before, I'm the Help Desk guy...I don't have a stinking credit card to provide them with, so I asked if I could just have them send out an empty box, and I'd send them back the defective part first, and they could send me out the replacement....no can do, they said. (grrrrr...) So, after determining that they wouldn't actually charge the card unless the defective drive wasn't returned within 10 days, I reluctantly gave my personal credit card. I asked how much the charge would be if I failed to return the drive, and they told me it would be $320. $320?!?! IT'S A $50 FREAKIN' DRIVE!!! Gawd, I hope it got back there OK....

7. Elitist Pricing
Yes, I know the Mac mini is out there, and it's cheap. But it doesn't deliver the whole Mac OS X 10.4 experience, mainly because of its crippled video card that can't run Core Image. The previous-generation processor doesn't help, either...I see lots of PC folks buying the mini to try Mac OS X, only to sell it a couple of weeks later because they're so disgusted with the performance. Granted, most of those folks are the more technically literate anyhow (like, those one might find posting on internet discussion forums about such things), but still...it leaves a bad impression. No, I'm talking about the run-of-the-mill consumer, pro, and portable Macs....although arguably, the portables are competitively priced. And yes, I also realize there's a premium to be paid for a great OS and some great bundled apps, not to mention the built-in security...but still, it's a tough sell to the crowd who's used to paying $400 for a Dell POS. You and I (addressing the Mac users here) know that Mac OS X alone is worth double the price of admission, but Joe PC User doesn't see things that way. Remember, Microsoft is the richest company in the world, so they *must* have the best OS, right?

6. Dreadful Ad Campaigns
The Think Different campaign was probably the closest thing I remember to capturing the Mac experience and trying to relate it to those who just didn't "get it." Unfortunately, in order to "get" the Think Different campaign, you had to first "get" the Mac...so the public wrote the whole thing off as too artsy-fartsy or west-coast hippie for their taste. Every other ad campaign has seemed sad and desperate in comparison. Sure, we all got a kick out of "switcher" Ellen Feiss, but that was mostly those of us already firmly entrenched in the Mac camp...like those of us who "got" the Think Different campaign...(aaarrrghhh!)

5. Zombie Generation
Mac users have a huge image problem; we're typically seen as the radical fringe of computer users, largely due to the very loud and very small faction of Mac Zealots who make it their self-appointed duty to Go Forth and Educate the Masses about the Computing Nirvana that is the Mac. I know the type all to well...I used to be one. But I quickly found that being a computer snob that went around itching for an operating system debate got real old, real quick. 95% of the world was against me from the outset, and no matter how much hard data and passion I had to back up my claims, it still somehow shriveled when confronted with the age-old wisdom of "Macs Suck!"
So, something that really should be a badge of pride (inspiring people so much that they REALLY want to spread the word about this New Wonderful Thing they've discovered -- in this case the Mac OS), instead backfires and creates over-enthusiastic, unstoppable Mac minions who will stop at nothing to crush any criticism of the Mac or Apple wherever it rears its ugly head. Really, it's just the radical (and very vocal) few; we're mostly normal folks. Well, except we don't have to deal with malware. Neener-neener.

4. Reality Distortion Field
We're in the middle of one right now. It's October 11, 2005 as I type this, and there is this "One More Thing..." product launch event happening tomorrow that has everyone in the tech world abuzz with speculation. No matter what's announced tomorrow, it will be embraced by many and hailed as the coolest thing to come out of the tech sector in months, if not years. Everyone who attends or watches the carefully orchestrated media event will be glazed over, "oooh"ing and "aaah"ing and praising Steve Jobs as the second coming of Christ. Again. Then the buzz will quell, and the pundits will start their barrage of attacks on whatever it was and somewhere in the midst of it all, folks will start to look objectively at the product...but not before it sells out across the board and has early adopters waiting for 2-3 week ship dates due to overwhelming initial demand. (Why can't Apple create this kind of sensation with their campaign advertising?!)

3. Culture of Excellence
By way of higher standards throughout the user experience, Apple has spoiled us Mac users. I honestly had never really thought much about using a Windows PC for as long as I could remember, when a couple of years ago, I had to use one for an online study program. It wasn't until then that I realized just how good we had it on the Mac. I mean sure, I knew about Windows and its world of problems, but I never realized just how disparate and random the various applications could be. It's as if there are no guidelines or anything for developers, and the developers range anywhere from "very competent with human interface design" to "screw 'em if they can't understand binary!" If I had started off in the Windows world, I wouldn't have such high expectations from the applications I use.

2. Gag Orders & Related Lawsuits
Well, at least, Apple's policy of not commenting on future products, and their iron-fist tactics in trying to stifle the various fan sites that feed the buzz machine that keeps them the topic du jour at the caffeine wells of tech geekdom. Sure, Apple needs to protect its unreleased property and maintain control of its PR, but the shroud of mystery and intrigue in which they wrap their unannounced products -- along with the fact that most of their products are just That. Damn. Cool. -- begs for speculation and conjecture. Personally, I think Apple knows this all too well, and the lawsuits must just be theatrics designed to veil the strategy behind the "leaks" that seem to "plague" them just prior to new product announcements.

...and, the number 1 thing I hate about Apple:

1. Making Me Want Every Damn Thing They Make
(Well, except for maybe the Mighty Mouse...but even that looked appealing for a day or two.)
It wouldn't be so bad if I were filthy stinking rich -- I'd just go to the Apple Store every six months or so and say, "One of each, please!" But, as fate would have it, I'm on the lower end of the Mac demographic pay scale, so when I buy hardware, I'm stuck with it for a while. Until February of this year, my main Mac was (and still sorta is) a G4 Sawtooth that I bought new in June of 2000. I still love that Mac (and it's seen a few upgrades to keep it current), but this little PowerBook 12" has stolen my attention as my current main Mac (I treated myself after landing the Help Desk gig). At any rate, the annoying thing about being a Mac user and an Apple fan is lusting after all the industrial design candy that comes out of Cupertino's magic factory: G4 Cube. Cinema Displays. Power Mac G5. Mac mini. Any given iPod. iMac G5. Hell, I even loved the clamshell iBooks (Key Lime, anyone?) and the Blue Dalmatian iMacs. That's not to say I've always been in agreement on the price point, but if price were no object, I'd have a house full of Apple products right about now.